NAMA- Approves Anger Management Institute programs

Dr. Richard Pfeiffer just called to inform us that the Anger Management Institute Trainer’s program has been approved by NAMA: the National Anger Management Association.

Steve Yeschek and Lynette Hoy are listed as Anger Management Specialists-111. We are approved NAMA Anger Management Consultants and listed on the Anger Management Training for Professionals page and the Anger Management Certification page as a NAMA approved training program!

We are very honored by this endorsement. We want to play an active role in supporting NAMA and join with them in providing excellent, research-based anger management curriculum and resources.

NAMA is planning it’s first annual conference in 2010!

We will keep you posted on upcoming activities and resources and of course, will encourage all our trainers to become NAMA members!

Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-1V

Posted in Anger Management | Comments Off on NAMA- Approves Anger Management Institute programs

Anger Management & Domestic Violence FAQS

Listen to the free podcast: Is It Anger or Abuse?

How does anger management differ, if at all, from domestic abuse counseling?
Answer: The domestic violence movement would say that anger management is not applicable to batterers. Batterers are a different breed – needing batterer’s intervention programs They would say that anger management programs are not effective for the batterer’s mind-set and motivation to control.
Domestic abuse counseling deals with the underlying control issues of a batterer versus teaching anger management skills.

a) So, how are people with anger or domestic abuse issues alike and different?
Answer: Abusers manifest Batterer characteristics: Studies have demonstrated that the batterer begins and continues his behavior because violence is an effective method for gaining and keeping control over the victim bringing no adverse effects as the result of the behavior. Some characteristics fit a general profile of a batterer:
• A batterer objectifies women. He does not see women as people. He does not respect women as a group. Overall, he sees women as property or sexual objects.
• A batterer has low self-esteem and feels powerless and ineffective in the world. He may appear successful, but inside he feels inadequate.
• A batterer externalizes the causes of his behavior. He blames his violence on circumstances such as stress, his partner’s behavior, a “bad day,” alcohol or other factors.
• A batterer may be pleasant and charming between periods of violence, and is often seen as a “nice guy” to outsiders.
Some behavioral warning signs of a potential batterer include extreme jealousy, possessiveness, a bad temper, unpredictability, cruelty to animals and verbal abusiveness.

Individuals with Anger Management issues tend to be dealing with explosive or out-of-control anger due to distorted thinking and skill deficits. They generally will take responsibility for their behavior once confronted or once they are dealing with the consequences.

b) Are there substantial philosophical differences in treatment goals and processes when dealing with anger management and domestic abuse issues?
Answer: The real question should be: Who is in control of prescribing treatment? Courts and employers. Many times there is no continuity. The domestic violence movement has lobbied for legislation which requires courts to mandate 26 week batterer’s intervention programs in many states. Thus, this becomes the treatment for domestic abuse offenders.
DUI and road rage offenders, other assault offenders and employees with anger issues will be mandated for anger management classes/courses depending on the judge.
The treatment goals are different as described in question 1.

c) Can anger management clients be treated in the same groups as domestic violence clients? If so, why? If not, why not?
Answer: though I am an anger management specialist/counselor and a domestic violence advocate – I would argue that anger management and domestic violence clients could be treated in the same group. Why? Because the anger management training gets to the heart of the issues of a batterer. We teach empathy, respect, taking responsibility, identifying cognitive distortions and building healthy communication and relationships. These aspects of anger management training can be and have been effective in treating batterers as Stosny has demonstrated in his research based on the compassion/power workshops.
Batterer’s intervention programs have not proven themselves effective as John Gottman and Neil Jacobson write in When Men Batter Women.
Leaders of the anger management movement need to make a case for anger management for batterers and take action to impact their legislators.
The real issue is that Batterers rarely take responsiblity for their actions and for change – putting their partners in danger. Thus, they need to participate in a program which will hold them accountable and be connected to law enforcement.

d) How do you define anger management as against your definition of domestic abuse?
Answer: Anger Management teaches practical and cognitive skills for transforming the emotion of anger into healthy behavior.
Domestic abuse (intimate partner violence) intervention teaches the power/control philosophy; accepting the consequences, taking responsibility and changing behavior.
~© copyright 2009 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC, is a Marriage and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection and National Certified Counselor. She is the co-author of What’s Good About Anger?and a speaker for community, women’s and church organizations. Visit Safe Relationships for more domestic violence information and resources.

Contact the Anger Management Institute and CounselCare Connection at 630.368.1880 for office, online services.

Posted in Abuse, Anger Management, Conflict | Comments Off on Anger Management & Domestic Violence FAQS

Ventilation of Anger..

Many people think that letting anger out or catharsis of anger reduces anger escalation. Some parents and groups teach children to rip up magazines and throw things when they get angry.
What really happens? Research studies have proven that ventilation of anger simply rehearses anger!

Anger emanates from the amydala – the emotional center of the brain. Once it is triggered the frontal cortex of the brain needs to take over quickly or anger will unleash itself in unhealthy ways.

In fact the frontal cortex of your brain needs to be prepared to make a quick and sound judgment of the situation as soon as anger is triggered. You can’t make an accurate decision or response if you tend to have hot self-talk or irrational beliefs such as: “he can’t bully me”, “I have a right to get..”(sense of entitlement) or cognitive distortions like: jumping to conclusions or mind-reading.
The end result of uninterrrupted anger expression is harmful – when you don’t assess the issues and take steps towards constructive action.

Anger management skills that have proven effective are: relaxation, changing thinking patterns, learning how to be assertiveness, empathize, forgive and manage conflict.

Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-IV
2000 Spring Rd., Suite 603
Oak Brook, IL 60523
630-368-1880, ext. 1
Posted in Anger Management, Conflict | Comments Off on Ventilation of Anger..

Anger, Stress and Frustration

Question: Hello I’m new.. I’m having a really hard time right now dealing with my anger stress and frustration. I have a husband that I feel like I have to prod along in everything , a 15 year old stepdaughter that lives with us now and who never really even talks to me . She is only nice to me if I buy her things. She lies to us on a regular basis and most times is down right rude to people. Her mother has given us problems throughout our 6 years of marrage and my husband and his family before me. One drama after another with the whole situation.
Here I was the one to tell my husband to have her stay the school year with us after seeing her disturbing website. basically she fought all the time with her crazy mom who ended up puting her on Prozac, she did pot, alcohol and had already had sex by the time she was 14 when she llived with her mom. anyways i’m thouroughly stressed out with the whole situation most days but her being here was mostly my fault so what the hell can i really say.
My biggest regret currently though is that I let all that **** preoccupy my time while my mom was stuck at home dying of lung cancer. About month ago she fell and broke her hip and surgury wasn’t an option because of the advanced cancer so the sent her home and she died a week later. Its been just over 2 weeks now and Im so angy and sad!!!! I wasted time stressing and dealing with my step daughter her mom and my husband sooo much I didn’t spend enough time with my mom. When I was over to visit her I was just venting about my stress. I’m soooo angry I’ve been lashing out and feel my life is so messed up.
Along with all that we are struggling financially and her mom doesn’t want to pay what the child support office has calculated for her. Now we have a hearing Friday so she can rant about why she shouldn’t have to pay as much as the state has calculated. I currenlt take Xanax for bouts of social anxiety and lately have been taking them more just to curb the rage I feel.
I am seriously behind at work because of all the time I took off when my mom fell. I don’t have any sick time so I just get docked now. I’m also being reviewed at work to make sure I am doing my job right.All because of my bosses lawsuit for something that REALLY doesn’t even involve me. Im also supposed to be taking classes online as part of my work and have barely started and Im already way behind.
I feel like i just want to run away and finish greiving for my mom, away from all the stress my husband and his baggage brings into my life. I know im ranting, sorry just wanted to get it out. There’s plenty more but i’ll leave it at this today . Thanks for letting me in.
Answer: Dear Friend,  I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. You need to take care of your self first by allowing yourself to grieve.
You have good reasons for being angry but, you can use that energy positively to solve the problems you are facing. The issues with your step-daughter also need to be resolved by going to counseling with your husband. Unless and until your husband gets involved in disciplining her – your efforts will be futile. The only way is for you and your husband to work as a team and set the household rules along with privileges for good behavior and consequences for misbehavior.
If your husband will not go to counseling – you can learn to set boundaries and assert yourself with your step-daughter. You cannot allow her to be rude to you. When she is rude – you need to discipline her. Other bottom-line issues must be addressed.
Here’s an example: Your step-daughter comes home after curfew and you know she’s been drinking. Ask your husband to agree with these consequences: Report the incident to the police. If she is really late – report her missing. Once she is home – take her to the police station to have a youth officer talk to her. Anytime she is drinking – since she is under-age – you should report it to the police. Check with school about her attendance. When she misses – ask to be called. Then, report her truant. Discuss with her the consequences that will be implemented. She needs consequences or her behavior will never change.
See these articles and books about parenting teens, codependency and communicationg:
Here are some articles to help you work through the grief:
Recovering from Grief and Loss
Understanding Grief   You do need someone to talk to in order to work through the grief. You might join a grief support group or get professional counseling. Visit http://www.griefshare.com/  You can find a list of counselors at: http://www.aacc.net/ or http://www.nbcc.org/.

I hope you find this helpful. Most of all, seek God in the midst of your suffering, grief and trials. He is there for you and He cares. Consider reading this so you can..Know God Personally
God bless you this Christmas and always!
Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-IV
Posted in Anger Management, Conflict | Comments Off on Anger, Stress and Frustration

If You Lose Your Cool, You Can’t Win

Ray Pritchard – September 13, 2008

Several times this week I started to write something about the presidential race, but I haven’t been able to do it properly, mostly because I find myself getting irritated by the comments I read on the Internet and the statements made by certain members of the media. To be honest, more than once this week I’ve found myself getting angry—and it’s only September!

Read the rest of If You Lose Your Cool, You Can’t Win

Posted in Anger Management, Conflict | Comments Off on If You Lose Your Cool, You Can’t Win

Boyfriend is a Batterer…

Question: My boyfriend tends to be moody and depressive by nature. He is often irritable and has what I would describe as unprovoked anger attacks directed at me. He would never see them as unprovoked. In his eyes, I have made him angry by not responding to a comment or question in the time he allows. My view is that this ‘ignoring’ him which he constantly refers to as a source of his annoyance is a trumped up charge and all in his imagination. I am always totally unaware that I have done anything to hurt him. To me it seems like some kind of paranoia. I am very worried about the fact that is angry outbursts have led to him physically breaking things. Today, I was upset because he punched the door several times with his fist and has completely destroyed it. He has done this before but this is the worst destruction I have seen. I think he needs help but I’m not sure what to do next.

——————————————————————————–
Answer: Dear Friend, your boyfriend is a batterer.
It may be due to his mental health issues such as depression, bipolar, paranoia, anxiety, etc. No matter what the underlying cause: There is no excuse for abuse!
The most important issue for you is your protection. You can’t feel safe with him. He is a volcano on the verge of erupting. His behavior is that of a batterer. Read all about domestic violence and battering here: Safe Relationships

You need to protect yourself because his violent behavior though not directed at you yet – will be directed towards you in the near future. Statistically, batterers’ abusive behavior escalates.
Don’t stay with him. Get out while you can.
How can you love and trust someone who is threatening your safety, health and peace?
Call the National Domestic Violence hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (safe).
Many women have been killed in situations like this. He needs help but, you should not tolerate this abuse any longer.
Listen to this podcast: Is it Anger or Abuse?
_________________

Visit the What’s Good About Anger Institute for books, resources, podcasts, blogs, DVDs, certificate and trainer courses.
© copyright 2007 by Lynette Hoy, Marriage and Family Counselor, National Certified Counselor, President of the What’s Good About Anger Institute for anger management and CounselCare Connection, P.C.

Posted in Abuse, Anger Management | Comments Off on Boyfriend is a Batterer…

Lynette Hoy- ABC interview on Teen Violence, 3/30/08

Weekend violence kills Chicago students

A weekend of shootings in Chicago has claimed the lives of two teenager and injured others.

The latest shooting involves a 14-year-old girl who was shot twice in the arm. She is said to be recovering in stable condition at Comer Children’s Hospital. Area 2 police are investigating that case. They report have four people in custody for an earlier deadly shooting that took place just outside a South Side high school.

It’s been a violent weekend for Chicago Public Schools students. Saturday night, a 14-year-old girl was shot twice while walking with friends in the South Side’s Gresham neighborhood. She survived the shooting. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for 18-year-old Chavez Clarke. The Simeon High School senior was shot on the school’s parking lot, 8147 S. Vincennes, Saturday afternoon while students attended a basketball game.

Watch the whole video with comments from Lynette Hoy – Anger Management Expert.

Posted in Anger Management | Comments Off on Lynette Hoy- ABC interview on Teen Violence, 3/30/08

Man On Way to Anger Management Class Arrested for Assault…

ST. PAUL —  A man on his way to anger management class became angry and struck a woman, authorities said. Justin John Boudin, 27, pleaded guilty Friday to fifth-degree assault in Ramsey County District Court and can expect to face a sentence for time served in jail, at least 120 days, and probation when he is sentenced May 5, the county attorney’s office said.According to a criminal complaint, Boudin was waiting at a bus stop on Aug. 29 when he accosted a 59-year-old woman and others.

“Why don’t you show me some respect?” he allegedly yelled at the woman.
Read rest of Fox News article

Visit the What’s Good About Anger Institute for books, resources, podcasts, blogs, DVDs, certificate and trainer courses.
Lynette Hoy is a Marriage and Family Counselor, National Certified Counselor, President of the What’s Good About Anger Institute for anger management.

Posted in Anger Management, Conflict, Rage | Comments Off on Man On Way to Anger Management Class Arrested for Assault…