Did you know you can actually help drain someone else’s anger! King Solomon wrote a Proverb (15:1): “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Giving a gentle answer worked for Gideon – a righteous man in the Old Testament. When the Midianites who were very angry accused him – he responded with a compliment and the passage goes on to say: “their anger subsided.”
Here’s a way to deal with someone who is trying to provoke you: Use this technique to confuse them… lighthearedly agree with them when they are making a critical comment about your clothes. This is called “fogging”.
Ex: “You really think I have no taste.”
Responding in such a way helps you maintain control by not taking the comment seriously. It breaks the escalation cycle by side-stepping an aggressive counterresponse (Feindler & Ecton).
When someone tries to provoke you or start an argument, be prepared with a statement like: “I am going to think about this and get back to you“. That way you can take time to get into the executive part of your brain and decide whether there is a legitimate issue to deal with and what next steps you should take. Don’t let anyone make you angry. You make the choice and you can handle it in a healthy way through assertiveness and problem-solving. Don’t let anyone make you angry! Don’t give them any control over you and your emotions!
Order one of the What’s Good About Anger Institute anger management resources or courses/programs. ________________________________________________________________
Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-V, CCTP
Diplomate, Consultant and Trainer with the NAMA; Certified Anger Management Specialist-V; President, CounselCare Connection, P.C. Andy Anger Management Institute
What’s Good About Anger Institute blog, podcasts and resources