Question: My boyfriend tends to be moody and depressive by nature. He is often irritable and has what I would describe as unprovoked anger attacks directed at me. He would never see them as unprovoked. In his eyes, I have made him angry by not responding to a comment or question in the time he allows. My view is that this ‘ignoring’ him which he constantly refers to as a source of his annoyance is a trumped up charge and all in his imagination. I am always totally unaware that I have done anything to hurt him. To me it seems like some kind of paranoia. I am very worried about the fact that is angry outbursts have led to him physically breaking things. Today, I was upset because he punched the door several times with his fist and has completely destroyed it. He has done this before but this is the worst destruction I have seen. I think he needs help but I’m not sure what to do next.
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Answer: Dear Friend, your boyfriend is a batterer.
It may be due to his mental health issues such as depression, bipolar, paranoia, anxiety, etc. No matter what the underlying cause: There is no excuse for abuse!
The most important issue for you is your protection. You can’t feel safe with him. He is a volcano on the verge of erupting. His behavior is that of a batterer. Read all about domestic violence and battering here: Safe Relationships
You need to protect yourself because his violent behavior though not directed at you yet – will be directed towards you in the near future. Statistically, batterers’ abusive behavior escalates.
Don’t stay with him. Get out while you can.
How can you love and trust someone who is threatening your safety, health and peace?
Call the National Domestic Violence hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (safe).
Many women have been killed in situations like this. He needs help but, you should not tolerate this abuse any longer.
Listen to this podcast: Is it Anger or Abuse?
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© copyright 2007 by Lynette Hoy, Marriage and Family Counselor, National Certified Counselor, President of the What’s Good About Anger Institute for anger management and CounselCare Connection, P.C.