Answer: Dear Loner,
You have made it clear that you don’t want to change – but, since you are looking for self-awareness – here is my opinion for whatever it’s worth. Here are some insights about core issues you seem to be struggling with:
-
You care so little – but react so aggressively – must mean that:
-
You need to be in control,
-
You believe that you are right,
-
You may have a sense of entitlement,
-
You believe you are not accountable for your behavior,
-
You believe others are to blame for your outbursts and actions.
-
Maybe the real issue is that you feel poorly about yourself and every conflict or disruption is a blow to your self-esteem?I won’t go into psychological issues here – because your therapist and doctor should determine how these affect your anger.
Self-awareness is what leads to change. Change is part of life and growing up. If self-awareness doesn’t change you then, you will never grow and mature as a person in this world. You will stay stuck in the mold you are in – living a life of loneliness, disconnection, harming yourself and others and trying to stay out of jail.
Aggression is hurtful and harmful and illegal.
Until you take responsibility for your actions and change – you and anyone following in your footsteps – will remain a child and suffer serious societal consequences.
Once you are motivated to change – there are all kinds of behavioral and self-talk skills you can start to apply. But, if you only want more insight and don’t want to take responsibility by changing – then, anger will be all you have left. Anger begets anger. So, why not start applying some of the skills we teach in our books and courses: assertiveness, conflict and stress management, cognitive changes, forgiveness, empathy, etc.
_________________
Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-V
What’s Good About Anger Institute blog, podcasts and resources |