Anger Management Institute Blog

Want to know why anger and rude behavior is so rampant and some helpful insights for managing anger? Listen to today’s podcast: Quick Tips for Managing Anger. You can sign up for the episodes at itunes.com using http://www.whasgoodaboutanger.com/podcasts.xml or listen online at the Anger Management Institute site.

You can download to your ipod all the What’s Good About Anger Institute broadcasts at itunes.com by subscribing to www.whatsgoodaboutanger.com/podcasts.xml or listen to the audio episodes on the Quick Tips for Managing Anger page.

Listen to the new audio programs: Quick Tips for Managing Anger on the What’s Good About Anger Institute site by Lynette Hoy.
Nov. 8: Anger and Expectations
Nov. 11: You Hold the Key to Managing AngerThese short broadcasts can be downloaded to your ipod or played on your computer.

© copyright 2006 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC. Lynette is a Marriage and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection , National Certified Counselor, Anger Management Specialist and Diplomate with the Amer. Assoc. of Anger Management Providers. She is the co-author of What’s Good About Anger? and a speaker for community, women’s and church organizations

Interested in the Two Minutes to Controlling Anger audio: Anger and Expectations by Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC? Click on http://www.whatsgoodaboutanger.com/podcasts/11806.mp3

Question:
I am 17 years. I have anger inside…but I think everybody does. However, I used to keep all my anger in but I am starting to let it out by punching my pillow and playing soccer. I use my anger as a source of energy and after I am done playing, I feel better. I am also starting to talk to my therapist and to my mom about some things that bother me and I have a great support system. What do you think about this?

Answer:
Dear Friend, good for you! You are learning to express your anger and feelings to people you can trust. In doing that, you will clarify the issues underneath your anger and learn to problem-solve.
Consider the following when you are talking about your feelings:
1. What is the real issue?
2. What are my options in dealing with the issue?
3. Which options are healthy and helpful?
4. How can I express my need or concern assertively to the person with whom I am angry?
5. Could I be making false assumptions about the person’s motives or actions?
6. If this problem were resolved in a healthy way – how would it affect my goals and relationships?
7. How could I help to resolve the issue (conflict) effectively?

Apply these questions to a recent scenario. What changes would you make to the way you approached a conflict or relationship? Visit www.whatsgoodaboutanger.com for more resources on managing anger!

© copyright 2006 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC. Lynette is a Marriage and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection , National Certified Counselor, Anger Management Specialist-IV and Diplomate with the National Anger Management Association. She is the co-author of What’s Good About Anger? and a speaker for community, women’s and church organizations

Question:
my step dad has an anger problem which is hard for me to deal with. He throws things when he gets mad but he doesn’t throw them at anybody. He knows how bad these things upset me because I’ve told him before but when I talked to him about it, he just got angrier. It started off with my step dad getting mad because the house wasn’t clean and so mom and him started yelling at each other and the next thing I knew there were objects being thrown. It was a scary situation for me because when I am around fights, I tense up because of my past. I am terrified of people when they get mad and when my step dad gets mad, so does my mom, and then I am left scared. I have thought about running away before but this is the best family I have ever lived in. These people don’t fight too much…its seldom…and it would be stupid to go out on the streets where all kinds of bad things could happen. I am also frustrated because mom gets upset when I call my step dad “stepdad”. She says its rude to call him “stepdad” even though thats what he really is to me. So mom makes me call him “dad” and I hate doing that because he’s not my dad! Also, I got in trouble by the cops on Wednesday for “truancy” along with another friend of mine. And on top of all of this, my flashbacks have been getting worse. Will someone please…nvm…I don’t know if I can get help…I don’t even know how to help myself.

Answer:
Dear Friend,
Find some support: I suggest that you talk this over with your school counselor. If you don’t have one or don’t feel comfortable- then, discuss it with your pastor or youth pastor. You need to talk about the past and how it is affecting you with someone who will respect your confidentiality. Of course, you need also to have a plan if you feel your life is in danger around your step-dad. But, running away is not the answer for you and will certainly put your life in danger.

Take your Mom aside and tell her you don’t feel comfortable calling your step-dad… Dad. She cannot force you to do this. She needs to respect you and your decision since you already have a biological Dad. Even if you didn’t – no one can force you to call them “Mom” or “Dad” unless that is their rightful status in your life.

Safety First: The most important thing right now is to have a plan to keep yourself safe and to be expressing your feelings about the past to someone you can trust so you can deal with the loss and grieve. Consider calling the Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-Hit-Home Also, you need to have a plan to go to a friend’s house when your step-father throws another fit. This is not a safe environment for you to be in.
Check out these resources:What’s Good About Anger? Institute.

© copyright 2006 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC. Lynette is a Marriage and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection , National Certified Counselor, Anger Management Specialist-IV and Diplomate with the National Anger Management Association. She is the co-author of What’s Good About Anger? and a speaker for community, women’s and church organizations

August 07 2006 at 10:00AM
“Beijing – A new bar in eastern China is offering customers an unusual outlet for anger – by allowing them to use the staff as punching bags, state media said on Monday.In addition to getting a drink, customers at the “Rising Sun Anger Release Bar” in Nanjing city are able to pay money to beat up staff, smash glasses, shout and scream, the China Daily said.

If these anger management techniques do not work, the customers can also receive psychological counselling, the paper said.The bar employs 20 well-built men in their 20s and 30s who have agreed to be hit. Customers can specify how they want the men to appear – they can even be dressed up as women, the China Daily said.The bar charges 50 to 300 yuan (about R43 to R255) for customers to release their anger, depending on their demands.”
To read the whole unbelievable story go here: http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=29&art_id=qw1154936521250A141

Rather than act out your beastly nature – we recommend that people learn to manage their anger in healthy ways through ordering – The What’s Good About Anger Institute courses and excellent books! Be civilized!

Question:
Hi, I have a friend whose mother is very controlling and stubborn. She says she has anger problems but the mother won’t go see a psychologist because she’s too stubborn. Is there anyway to help the mother and convince her she needs help? I got information that she was once an alcoholic but now she quit.

Answer:
Dear Friend, your friend’s mother would benefit from anger management classes or a home-study course. It’s possible she is dealing with a mental health problem such as depression or anxiety – but, if she refuses counseling or a psychological evaluation – then, suggesting a class or ordering anger management resources could be very helpful.

Anger is normal: Most people need to realize that anger is normal. It is a secondary emotion emanating from deeper hurt, sadness, frustration, expectations, beliefs, fear, thinking, etc. which need to be explored and controlled.

Learning to control anger: When anger is expressed in healthy ways – it is a change agent. Anger can actually change a person from being a passive victim to becoming assertive. An aggressive person can learn to control him or herself. Anger can help people problem-solve versus stagnate. Anger can move people to forgive versus become bitter.

Check out these resources:
What’s Good About Anger? Institute. She will find free articles and courses on this site as well.

© copyright 2005 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC. Lynette is a Marriage and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection , National Certified Counselor, Anger Management Specialist-IV and Diplomate with the National Anger Management Association. She is the co-author of What’s Good About Anger? and a speaker for community, women’s and church organizations