I’m sorry if this is a little disjointed and confusing. I’m possibly a little disjointed and confused myself, just at the moment. I’m pretty sure I’m just whining here. I haven’t been through half the things everyone else here seems to have, but there’s just something, in my head that I can’t seem to get a hold on. I’m pretty annoyed at myself that I hit someone. He got at me about a few little things, and I just turned round and belted him. This is not just boys fighting – I’m female for a start – he’s twice my size and twice my age. The more you tell him something, the more he yells. It’s like a case of “I’m big, your little, I’m right, you’re wrong. that’s how it is end of story” Everyone else seems to be able to just…..get over it. To work it out with themselves and they’re fine and dandy the net time you see them. I seem to just fester in it – i can’t channel it anywhere, I can’t untangle it, and i can’t get rid of it. What else can I do? What if the other person is someone that actually matters? my boyfriend, or my mum, or some little kid?
Answer:
Dear Friend,
Why not get some anger management counseling since you seem to fly off the handle so quickly? You need to explore what is happening… what the triggers are and how to apply some coping skills. See www.angermanagementproviders.com or www.copingwithanger.com for resources and providers. Consider pruchasing the book: What’s Good About Anger? which teaches how to turn anger into faith, assertiveness, problem-solving and forgiveness.
Taking a Time-out: One of the best techniques for defusing anger is taking a time-out. You need to control anger early. Taking a time-out when you feel your neck getting tense or your stomach tightening up will give you an opportunity to think about what the issue is and what possible steps to take. The book includes chapters on taking a time-out and exploring and challenging Cognitive Distoritions. I wonder what you are telling yourself when you get angry? Catastrophic thinking, personalizing and mind-reading all contribute to anger’s escalation. Start exploring the issues, feelings and thoughts beneath your anger so you can recognize your anger early in the process. Try out some of the skills to prevente future escalation of your anger.
© copyright 2005 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC. Lynette is a Marriage and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection , National Certified Counselor, Anger Management Specialist-IV and Diplomate with the National Anger Management Association. She is the co-author of What’s Good About Anger? and a speaker for community, women’s and church organizations