A client told me that his spouse will not forgive him for the hurtful words he spouted during an argument. She cannot forgive him. He is waiting patiently for her to give their marriage another start.
Here’s what I recommended:
“Wait it out. You don’t want to pressure her. You want her to willingly forgive and freely love you. You can only change yourself. Most likely, she will forgive and will give the marriage another try.”
Angry outbursts bring consequences. It’s important to figure out where the anger is coming from and how to deal with the root cause. The underlying issue usually has to do with fear or catastrophic thinking. When we feel fearful – we respond by trying to control. Controlling behaviors generally create a negative reaction from others.
No one wants to be controlled. Everyone likes choices and to have their opinions and feelings considered.
Control manifests itself in rigid or aggressive behaviors which are perceived negatively.
Controlling anger pushes the people we are trying to control away. And we don’t get what we want – relationship and respect.
And we thwart God’s purpose for our lives which is: to depend on Christ and allow Him to take control of our lives.
~© copyright 2005 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC
Here’s what I recommended:
“Wait it out. You don’t want to pressure her. You want her to willingly forgive and freely love you. You can only change yourself. Most likely, she will forgive and will give the marriage another try.”
Angry outbursts bring consequences. It’s important to figure out where the anger is coming from and how to deal with the root cause. The underlying issue usually has to do with fear or catastrophic thinking. When we feel fearful – we respond by trying to control. Controlling behaviors generally create a negative reaction from others.
No one wants to be controlled. Everyone likes choices and to have their opinions and feelings considered.
Control manifests itself in rigid or aggressive behaviors which are perceived negatively.
Controlling anger pushes the people we are trying to control away. And we don’t get what we want – relationship and respect.
And we thwart God’s purpose for our lives which is: to depend on Christ and allow Him to take control of our lives.
~© copyright 2005 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC
~ Lynette is a Marriage and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection, National Certified Counselor, Anger Management Specialist-IV and Diplomate with the National Anger Management Association. She is the co-author of What’s Good About Anger? and a speaker for community, women’s and church organizations.