Facing conflict in relationships is difficult. We all want peace, co-operation, harmony and resolution. Conflict can result in either problem-solving and resolution, or an all-out war! Conflictual scenarios can prevent collaboration and cause relationship breakdown unless you have the skills to manage it.
Practical strategies for managing conflict
When you clash or disagree with someone, one way to prevent escalation is to take a time-out to consider the issues and your response. Don�-?t feel pressured to resolve the situation immediately.
Summarize what the other person says by paraphrasing their demands, viewpoints and comments. This will clarify the issue and provide you the opportunity to reply. Most people don�-?t listen well and tend to react defensively when engaged in conflict. Summarizing what someone says demonstrates that you are listening, you care and are trying to understand. Replaying what you hear doesn�-?t equate to agreement with their opinion or request. Here are some ways to help you sum up what the speaker is saying: “In other words, you were not able to make the dinner appointment and thought I should have called you to confirm the date beforehand?” or “What I hear you saying is that you want me to tell our friends that you were sick when you really weren’t?”
Communicate your need, viewpoint and request graciously but firmly. �-�I was hurt when you didn’t show up for dinner because I thought the date was set. I would really appreciate it if in the future you could call me and let me know you can’t make it. That way I won’t be sitting in the restaurant worried about you.” or �-�I prefer to tell our friends the truth about what happened or would ask that you tell them. I want to be forth-right and honest about the situation.”
Application Write out a scenario when you experienced conflict in a relationship with a friend. Envision how you could respond by using the time-out, sum-up skills and communicating your viewpoint.Why not discover how you can better manage conflict and prevent relationship breakdown? Using conflict resolution skills along with prayer and God�-?s wisdom will give you greater opportunity for success in your friendships, family and the workplace.
Order the What’s Good About Anger? online, home-study anger management courses, book and certificates. Read the Assert Yourself! article next. �L copyright 2005 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC
. Lynette is a Marriage and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection, National Certified Counselor, Anger Management Specialist-IV and Diplomate with the National Anger Management Association. She is the co-author of What’s Good About Anger? and a speaker for community, women’s and church organizations.