Boyfriend’s Anger

Question: My boyfriend always yells at me.. and always gets mad at me over really little things.. but he also cheats on me with other girls only online.. he role plays with girls online and sends pictures back and forth but he says he loves me..
i know he does but cant control himself from having aspergers…
can you please help me.. i don’t know how to deal with this.. im always upset and crying

Dear Friend,
Asperger’s Disorder is a milder variant of Autistic Disorder. Both Asperger’s Disorder and Autistic Disorder are in fact subgroups of a larger diagnostic category called either Autistic Spectrum Disorders, mostly in European countries, or Pervasive Developmental Disorders (“PDD”), in the United States.
In Asperger’s Disorder, affected individuals are characterized by social isolation and eccentric behavior.Symptoms of Asperger’s syndrome include:

    Engaging in one-sided, long-winded conversations, without noticing if the listener is listening or trying to change the subject
    Displaying unusual nonverbal communication, such as lack of eye contact, few facial expressions, or awkward body postures and gestures
    Showing an intense obsession with one or two specific, narrow subjects, such as baseball statistics, train schedules, weather or snakes
    Appearing not to understand, empathize with, or be sensitive to others’ feelings
    Having a hard time “reading” other people or understanding humor.

How can you deal with your boyfriend’s behavior?
Consider ending the relationship. People who are dealing with this level of severity of Aspergers need much professional and medical help and are not capable of healthy interaction and relationships. Good communication and empathy are critical elements for healthy dating relationships.

He needs to change: Until he gets the treatment he needs and shows responsible behavior and healthy character and relationship development – he will continue to hurt you with his selfishness and angry outbursts. These outbursts are abusive and you should not take it from him.

You need to change: You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.
There is no excuse for abuse. And no one should treat you this way.
Start taking care of yourself. Learn about ending abuse at: Read the book: Asserting Yourself by Bowers and Bowers and Search for Significance by Robert McGee.

The real problem is not how he is mistreating you – it is that you are allowing it to happen and believe you aren’t worth being treated respectfully. That is the reason you are so sad. You deserve to be treated with compassion, care, dignity and empathy.

Having a disorder like Aspergers is not an excuse for abuse.
Visit the What’s Good About Anger Institute for our FAQs, All About Anger Blog and podcasts which will teach you healthy anger management skills for relationships.
Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC
Diplomate, AAAMP; President, CounselCare Connection, P.C.
What’s Good About Anger Institute blog, podcasts and resources

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