Why Do People Get Angry?

Clients tell me that when they feel disrespected or treated rudely – they get angry. Often, they experience anger when they feel helpless or when goals are blocked.
An important fact about anger is that the amygdala (emotional center) in the brain becomes triggered within 1/20 of a second when people first feel threatened, angry or frustrated. In the book, Anger Disorders, authors Raymond DiGiussepe and Raymond Tafrate write:
“Researchers have demonstrated 10 key areas of anger provoking stimuli:
1. Interruption of goal-directed behavior when time is important;
2. Experiencing personal degradation or unfair treatment (and being powerless to stop it)
3. Being treated unfairly, unkindly, or in a prejudicial way whether or not one is present;
4. Being the object of dishonesty or broken promises or being disappointed by others or even oneself
5. Having one’s authority, feelings, or property being disregarded by others
6. Being ignored or treated badly by a significant other
7. Experiencing harm because of one’s negligence toward oneself
8. Being shown by others’ behavior that they do not care
9. Being the object of verbal or physical assault
10. Being a “helpless victim.” (Things one cannot control despite a desire to do so.”)”

A home-study student writes: While we were married, my wife an often exchanged angry and hurtful words. Very often, I would pound things (desk, kick a chair) because I so desperately wanted to avoid hitting her. All of that changed when she hit me. At first I was stunned, but then, very predictably, I became angry and I shoved her back against the wall. From that point on there were many instances when I acted violently or aggressively toward her. I never hit her with my hand, just pushed her around. I was so ashamed of my behavior (after sanity returned) but it was so hard to avoid it. I tried timeouts, but she would not respect them and it became progressively worse.

Though there are many reasons for getting angry – you don’t have to stay angry and you don’t have to experience ill-effects from anger. The goal of What’s Good About Anger is to show that anger is a complex emotion and a force that can be used for good.  Healthy anger transformed into assertiveness, problem-solving and conflict resolution strategies can help you reach your goals effectively and live a more satisfying life.  

Anger’s Ugly Consequences
The consequences of anger can be very costly. Broken relationships. Legal problems. Job loss. You can prevent negative consequences by learning to manage your anger. Here are some insights to help you commit to change anger for good! Listen to this podcast here.

Listen to all podcasts here!

Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-V
CounselCare Connection, P.C. – Anger Management Institute
1200 Harger Spring Road, Suite 602 – Oak Brook, IL 60523
630-368-1880

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Steps for Obtaining Anger Management Specialist Certification

Here are the steps to obtain certification from the National Anger Management Association as a Certified Anger Management Specialist (CAMS-I or II):

1. Take an approved course offered at the Anger Management Institute— live training, online or home-study programs: Live Anger Management Specialist Training Workshops will be offered September 5-6, 2019 in Oak Brook, IL! Register online here!

Distance-learning: obtain certification as an Anger Management Specialist-1 or II (CAMS-I or CAMS-II) by taking the Online Trainer-Specialist Certification Course with video (fastest way) OR order the DVD home-study program!  Our courses are approved by NAMA to qualify for their certification.

2. When you finish the distance-learning course (11 quizzes) NAMA requires that students take 2 hours of phone supervision/consultation (with our Institute) in order to qualify for the credential. Phone supervision is not required for participants attending workshops.

3. Once you finish with the required steps 1 and 2 above you can apply for the CAMS-I or II credential with NAMA. There is a membership fee of $125/150 paid directly to them. NAMA, at that time, will provide you with a profile on their national/international directory and the official CAMS-I certificate/credential! We walk you through this process.

Visit the Anger Management Institute web site for live workshops, certification information and all of our anger management resources!

Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-V

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Anger and Guilt

Question:
Does anyone one else feel guilty about expressing their anger no matter how justified ? I`m very laid back and some people take advantage. However, if I reach my limit and express my anger, I end up apologizing for it. I guess I have more respect for other peoples` feelings than they do for mine so I just keep smiling and suppress it. I`ve had some pretty bad anger locked in my head for the last 3 years with no where for it to go because I just bottled it all up. Thanks for any response.

Answer: Often we feel guilt after getting angry. Sometimes, it’s false guilt. Other times, the guilt is a good measure of anger mismanagement and over-reaction to anger. How can you determine whether your guilt is true or false? 

Here is a questionnaire you could complete after any incidents in which you felt angry:1. Describe the situation which occurred.

What was the issue?

2. How did I respond?
Did I talk harshly___, loudly___, disrespectfully___, critically___, in a threatening___ or judgmental way___?

Did I make character assassinations?___

3. Was my response measured,___ respectful___, tactful___?

Did I keep to the issue described in question one? ___
I listened___
I paraphrased what was said to me___
I demonstrated empathy (put myself in the other person’s shoes)___
I stated my feelings in a calm manner along with the facts___

4. What could I have done differently?

How could I have responded in a healthier manner?
Used more tact___
Been more respectful___
Kept the tone of my voice down___
Listened more___
Summarized what was said to me___
Showed more empathy___
Stated my feelings firmly but calmly___

Measuring whether your guilt is true or false:
In order to determine whether you did something right or wrong – score your questionnaire this way:
1. If you checked anything in question 2 or 4 – your guilt is probably right-on. You most likely should apologize.

2. If you didn’t check anything in question 2 or 4 but, checked many of the items in question 3 – your guilt is most likely false.

Don’t apologize. Take responsibility for your actions and let the other person take responsibility for theirs. If the other person says you were harsh or loud – you can apologize that your behavior offended them and that you didn’t mean to.

Learn some anger management skills to help you cope with these situations.
Listen to the current podcast: Talk-Out Your Anger!
“Most people tend to hold anger in or explode. Some use manipulation. Learn some no-guilt techniques to assertively express your anger and get your needs met without squashing others.”

See www.whatsgoodaboutanger.com for FAQs, Quick Tips for Managing Anger Podcasts and all resources.

Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-V

What’s Good About Anger podcasts, blog, resources

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What’s Good About Anger? is unique…

This gallery contains 10 photos.

“What’s Good About Anger?” is unique because the book and curriculum emphasize the following: Anger is an emotion and force that is good when it is expressed in healthy ways to achieve healthy goals. The physiological process of anger happens … Continue reading

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Serious Problem with Anger

Question: My step father released all his problems when I was little and he beat me up bruised me all over. And now he has stopped hurting but does not stop hurting my feelings. And he told me stay away … Continue reading

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Strategies for Successful Relationships… 5/1/18

 

 

 

Managing Conflict – Part One © copyright 2018

If you’re a living, breathing human-being, you will have conflict. The only people who don’t are dead. If you have an opinion on anything you will disagree with someone and engage in conflict. Conflict is an inevitable part of life, work and relationships. What happens when you face conflicts at work? What if a co-worker doesn’t make the deadline with his or her part of a combined project? How do you handle it when your boss asks you to do something unethical? What is your reaction to a co-worker who falsely accuses you for losing a big contract? Do you tend to hold your tongue? Do you wait to see what will happen? Or do you confront, defend and blowup?Facing conflict in relationships is difficult. We all want peace, co-operation, harmony and resolution. Conflict can result in either problem-solving and resolution or an all-out war!

Conflictual scenarios can prevent collaboration and cause relationship breakdown unless you have the skills to manage it. How you approach conflict greatly impacts the outcome.

Insights: Every book of the Bible contains examples of conflict. A godly attitude, response and prayer can make a huge difference in how the process unfolds. Gideon had a remarkable gift for defusing anger and conflict. In Judges 8:1-3 the Ephraimites accused and criticized Gideon sharply. Gideon’s response was truthful, gentle and complimentary. This caused their resentment and anger towards him to subside proving the principle found in Proverbs 15:1: A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Prayer is essential. Pray that your attitude will be loving and that God will provide you with His wisdom and insight to work through the issue. Paul exhorts us to: “always keep on praying” and to “do everything in love.” in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (TLB) and 1 Cor 16:14 (NIV).

Prayer is essential. Pray that your attitude will be loving and that God will provide you with His wisdom and insight to work through the issue. Paul exhorts us to: “always keep on praying” and to “do everything in love.” in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (TLB) and 1 Cor 16:14 (NIV).Practical strategies for managing conflict: 

Step one: When you clash or disagree with someone one way to prevent escalation is to take a time-out to consider the issues and your response. Don’t feel pressured to resolve the situation immediately. Step two: SUM-UP what the other person says by paraphrasing their demands, viewpoints and comments. This will clarify the issue and provide you the opportunity to reply. Most people don’t listen well and tend to react defensively when engaged in conflict. Summarizing what someone says demonstrates that you are listening, you care and are trying to understand. Replaying what you hear doesn’t equate to agreement with their opinion or request. 

Here are some Ways to help you Sum Up what the speaker is saying:  

In other words, you were not able to make the project deadline and hope I can finish the work.”  Step three: Communicate your need and viewpoint graciously but, firmly.

“I was able to complete my part of the project but, I do not have time to take on your portion as well.”

Write out a scenario when you experienced conflict at work or home. Envision how you could respond by using the time-out, Sum-Up skills and communicating your viewpoint.

Why not discover how you can better manage conflict and prevent relationship breakdown? Using conflict resolution skills along with prayer and God’s wisdom will give you greater opportunity for success in the workplace.”

Excerpt from: What’s Good About Anger? Fourth edition.

Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-V
NAMA Supervisor, Diplomate, Consultant.
President, CounselCare Connection, P.C.
Anger Management Institute:
Anger blogs, podcasts, courses and DVDs

Write out a scenario when you experienced conflict at work or home. Envision how you could respond by using the time-out, Sum-Up skills and communicating your viewpoint. Write out a scenario when you experienced conflict at work or home. Envision how you could respond by using the time-out, Sum-Up skills and communicating your viewpoint.

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How to Defuse Hostile People…

Deal With Person’s Feelings First

An angry person needs to have the issue AND their feelings addressed in order to start interacting constructively. The angrier the person, the more important it is to acknowledge their anger through the use of empathy statements and listening responses FIRST, before moving on to the issue. Problem solving with angry people often results in wasted time unless they are ready to participate calmly.

Begin To Defuse Early

Angry and frustrated people usually indicate their mood prior to opening their mouths and beginning a hostile attack. One way to address or pre-empt the attack is to begin the defusing process before the other person gets on an abusive rant. For example, in the dialogue with Mary and Peter, Mary might have noticed Peter standing in her doorway looking rather irate and angry, and spoken first using an empathy type response like: “Hi, Peter, you look like you are really upset with something. What’s up?” Something as simple as that might have made a huge difference in setting a more respectful tone for the interaction.

Be Assertive, Not Manipulative, Passive or Aggressive

You have a right to take action, or impose consequences in situations where someone has stepped over the line in their comments or behaviors. In fact, if you don’t speak up for yourself in these situations bully-type people will perceive you as an acceptable victim for their poor behavior. When using assertive type statements or setting up consequences, do not dwell on the way the person is communicating any more than necessary. Make your statement, then refocus the conversation back to the issue. With respect to Mary and Peter this is one way Mary might have responded. Read the rest of this article on Conflict911.com by Bacal & Associates..

Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-V
CounselCare Connection, P.C. – Anger Management Institute
1200 Harger Road, Suite 602 – Oak Brook, IL 60523
630-368-1880

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Credentials and Benefits of The Anger Management Institute Training Certification

Many leaders and professionals have asked why they should take the Anger Management Institute (AMI) training programs and workshops to become certified in order to teach and treat those with anger control problems.
Here are the reasons to consider:
AMI provides evidence-based programs and teaches empirically supported anger management strategies;
AMI is approved and endorsed by the National Anger Management Association (NAMA) — the leading and largest International credentialing organization for professionals/leaders in the anger management field;
AMI provides continuing education units and is an approved provider for NBCC, NASW, IAODAPCA, NAMA CEs/CEUs;
Leaders/professionals completing the AMI training programs (workshops, online, home-study) qualify for the nationally recognized NAMA designation: Certified Anger Management Specialist-I or II (CAMS-I; CAMS-II).

The presenters are highly credentialed in the field of anger management: Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-V (author, facilitator, counselor), and Steve Yeschek, LCSW, CAMS-IV (group facilitator, counselor and coach) have presented on-going workshops, groups and classes since 2004. Lynette and Steve have been credentialed by NAMA as Certified Anger Management Specialist-IV or V (CAMS-IV, CAMS-V) and are Diplomates, Supervisors and Consultants with NAMA. Lynette and Steve present the Anger Management Trainer-Specialist workshops which are offered throughout the year in the Midwest and in Texas and provide CEs/CEUs for leaders and professionals.
Seigel Bartley, PhD, LPC-S, CAMS-V  and Joe Cook, PhD, LPC-S, CAMS-IV are designated by NAMA as CAMS–V or IV, Diplomates, Supervisors and Consultants. Dr. Bartley and Dr. Cook are professors in the counseling program at the Dallas Baptist University.

Certificate Programs, Courses and Class benefits: Approved and endorsed program by National Anger Management Association (NAMA) – qualifying trainers as Certified Anger Management Specialist-I or II. Approved by NAMA as a primary CEU provider. #102
Approved by National Board of Certified Counselors for 12 Ces for LPCs, LCPCs: # 6577.
Approved by National Association of Social Workers for 12 CEUs for LSWs, LCSWs: #886526264.  Approved by NAADAC (association for addictions professionals) for 12 CEUs.
Approved by IAODAPCA for 13 CEUs – program # 12978: Counselor II, Prevention II, Assessor II, MISA I or II, CCJP II, PCGC II, CAAP II, CRSS I or II, MAATP II, CFPP II, CADC, CRADC, CSADC, CAADC.
Approved by Ohio Counselor, Social Worker & Marriage & Family Therapist Board for 12 CPEs: Provider #MCST081107.
Approval nationally by courts and judges for court-mandated cases since 2005. Approved by Cook County District Court and other Chicago-land area courts for court mandated clients. Listed on the National Anger Management Association directory.

Here are some of the options available for Anger Management Institute training certification:

Live Illinois Training Workshops: will be offered March 22-23, 2018 at Lewis University campus — Oak Brook, IL. Obtain the National Anger Management Association (NAMA) Certification as an Anger Management Specialist I or II at these Certification Workshops. Includes CEUs, workshops, Training binder, Leader’s guide and assessment tools! (NAMA membership fee not included). Read more here!

Live Texas Training Workshops: To be Offered March, 2018 in Plano, TX.  You can obtain the NAMA certification as an Anger Management Specialist I or II. Includes NBCC, NAADAC, NAMA and Texas State Board CEs/CEUs, workshops, Training binder, Leader’s guide and assessment tools! (NAMA membership fee not included). Read more here!

Online and DVD Home-study Training Programs:
Obtain certification as an Anger Management Specialist-1 or II by taking the Online Trainer-Specialist Certification Course with video (fastest way) approved for 12 NBCC and IAODAPCA CEs/CEUs or order the DVD home-study program! Our DVD program is now approved for 15 NBCC CEs and 12 IAODAPCA CEUs.

Dr. Pfeiffer, President of NAMA and Growth Central writes: “Certification by and membership with NAMA offers numerous benefits including: Nationally recognized Anger Management Specialist Certification – this means that you are recognized as having nationally standardized credentials to help you become a local community leader in the field of Anger Management. When you qualify by finishing an endorsed program by the Anger Management Institute and apply for Specialist Certification you automatically become a Member of NAMA.
Listing in the very popular online NAMA Member & Specialist Directory for referrals and credential check. The NAMA website provides you with an electronic Internet link to your professional community. Through the online Directory it also allows the general public access to search for anger management specialists in their vicinity and for courts, businesses, others needing to refer people to anger management programs. The Directory allows members to check and edit their own listing.
Opportunities to network with the top Anger Management professionals and experts in the field.
Support NAMA’s continuing efforts with legislative advocacy, marketing, and research to sustain all our Anger Management Programs.

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