Chronic Anger Syndrome…

Question:

I’ve been reading the Chronic anger symptoms and found a lot of identical things that often happens to me. Lately I’ve been in a real storm with my parents and some other people where slight problems often caused me to just go out of control and just hurl whatever words came out from my mind. Lately it’s all about my trip overseas where I got 2 weeks to go and things just doesn’t go smoothly. Just tonight, I found out that the people who promised me free accommodation didn’t deliver so that started another chain of arguments and worse. By the way I took aim at my mum a lot again and those people who I haven’t even met. So my venting’s just out of the world again. My dad told me I’m just egoistical & self centered. My mum told me I might got the attitude from my biological father since she kept saying that my blood are tied to him stronger as I am his first son. I didn’t really buy it though especially after I read about “Chronic anger” syndrome can you confirm that I actually got that or is it just my attitude needs fixing? I keep thinking it’s sort of unnatural but I can’t confirm it since I never seen a psychologist or whatnot. I can use some positive reassurance. Thanks

Other signs and symptoms frequently associated with the principal symptom of chronic anger are:
* impatience
* constant hurrying
* speaking in a harsh, abrupt manner
* egotistical and self-centered behavior
* inability to relax readily
* high blood pressure
* inability to play or enjoy vacations
* verbal aggressiveness
* free-floating hostility

——————————————————————————–
Answer:
Dear Friend, so far “chronic anger” is not a psychiatric diagnosis. And the symptoms you list above could be associated with various mental health disorders. Anger – unhealthy/harmful anger – symptoms can be associated with disorders such as intermittent explosive disorder, ADHD or depression or bipolar disorder or a personality disorder.

You may be dealing with a mental health problem and this should be assessed by a professional. In any case, I believe attitude and behavior patterns play an important role in escalating anger and these factors can be changed!

Take this anger survey to see how serious your anger is. It sounds like you are motivated to manage your anger because anger is affecting your relationships and life detrimentally. You can learn skills and strategies which will help you cope with anger in healthy ways such as:
1. managing your stress,
2. identifying triggers and provoking situations, changing self-talk and any cognitive distortions,
3. communicating assertively and empathically,
4. applying forgiveness

Listen to these free podcasts: 4 Q’s to Disarming Anger and Anger Management Made Easy! These will help you discover tools to cope with stress and anger in healthy and effective ways.

Visit the Anger Management  Institute for books, resources, podcasts, blogs, DVDs, certificate and trainer courses.
© copyright 2019 by Lynette Hoy, Marriage and Family Counselor, National Certified Counselor, President of the Anger Management Institute and author of all books and resources.

Posted in Anger Management, Conflict, Rage | 1 Comment

The Results of Hidden Anger… July 7, 2019

Question:
When we talk about anger, I always remember a few situations, and wonder – did I do wrong or good? In every situation, I am trying to stay calm and after that what happens with the anger? I think it is somewhere deep in side of me, and there must be some valve for all my anger. How will that impact my life?

Answer:
Dear Friend, Maybe you are really asking: Has my anger and response to provoking situations been helpful? What happens to the anger when I don’t express it? How does it affect my life?

Pent-up Anger: It sounds like you try to remain calm which is helpful in containing conflict and angry outbursts – but, your anger remains hidden. Hidden anger can grow and result in bitterness and depression or eventually there may be an outburst of anger over something small because you have been holding it in.
Is it good to keep your anger unexpressed? I don’t believe so.

Anger Expressed: I think anger is meant to be expressed in healthy ways through assertive communication and problem-solving. If you can’t talk with the person directly who you are angry with – then, it is helpful to express your anger to a confidante or counselor. You can explore ways to express it directly or decide to let it go.

Ultimately, when you don’t express anger – you will be affected by it. Anger is an emotion which results from feelings of fear, frustration, hurt and loss of control. The emotional valve within will explode when these feelings are not dealt with. You need to make changes so you can deal with your emotions and the issues. Working through anger using healthy coping skills will bring a sense of peace and confidence to your life.

Order the book: What’s Good About Anger? to learn more about these skills and how faith can help defuse your anger.

© copyright 2019 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC. Lynette is a Marriage and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection and National Certified Counselor. She is the co-author of What’s Good About Anger? and a speaker for community, women’s and church organizations. She is a Certified Anger Management Specialist-V, Diplomate, Consultant, Trainer with the National Anger Management Association.

Posted in Anger Management, Conflict | Comments Off on The Results of Hidden Anger… July 7, 2019

Why Do People Get Angry?

Clients tell me that when they feel disrespected or treated rudely – they get angry. Often, they experience anger when they feel helpless or when goals are blocked.
An important fact about anger is that the amygdala (emotional center) in the brain becomes triggered within 1/20 of a second when people first feel threatened, angry or frustrated. In the book, Anger Disorders, authors Raymond DiGiussepe and Raymond Tafrate write:
“Researchers have demonstrated 10 key areas of anger provoking stimuli:
1. Interruption of goal-directed behavior when time is important;
2. Experiencing personal degradation or unfair treatment (and being powerless to stop it)
3. Being treated unfairly, unkindly, or in a prejudicial way whether or not one is present;
4. Being the object of dishonesty or broken promises or being disappointed by others or even oneself
5. Having one’s authority, feelings, or property being disregarded by others
6. Being ignored or treated badly by a significant other
7. Experiencing harm because of one’s negligence toward oneself
8. Being shown by others’ behavior that they do not care
9. Being the object of verbal or physical assault
10. Being a “helpless victim.” (Things one cannot control despite a desire to do so.”)”

A home-study student writes: While we were married, my wife an often exchanged angry and hurtful words. Very often, I would pound things (desk, kick a chair) because I so desperately wanted to avoid hitting her. All of that changed when she hit me. At first I was stunned, but then, very predictably, I became angry and I shoved her back against the wall. From that point on there were many instances when I acted violently or aggressively toward her. I never hit her with my hand, just pushed her around. I was so ashamed of my behavior (after sanity returned) but it was so hard to avoid it. I tried timeouts, but she would not respect them and it became progressively worse.

Though there are many reasons for getting angry – you don’t have to stay angry and you don’t have to experience ill-effects from anger. The goal of What’s Good About Anger is to show that anger is a complex emotion and a force that can be used for good.  Healthy anger transformed into assertiveness, problem-solving and conflict resolution strategies can help you reach your goals effectively and live a more satisfying life.  

Anger’s Ugly Consequences
The consequences of anger can be very costly. Broken relationships. Legal problems. Job loss. You can prevent negative consequences by learning to manage your anger. Here are some insights to help you commit to change anger for good! Listen to this podcast here.

Listen to all podcasts here!

Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-V
CounselCare Connection, P.C. – Anger Management Institute
1200 Harger Spring Road, Suite 602 – Oak Brook, IL 60523
630-368-1880

Posted in Anger Management, Conflict | Comments Off on Why Do People Get Angry?

Steps for Obtaining Anger Management Specialist Certification

Here are the steps to obtain certification from the National Anger Management Association as a Certified Anger Management Specialist (CAMS-I or II):

1. Take an approved course offered at the Anger Management Institute— live training, online or home-study programs: Live Anger Management Specialist Training Workshops will be offered September 5-6, 2019 in Oak Brook, IL! Register online here!

Distance-learning: obtain certification as an Anger Management Specialist-1 or II (CAMS-I or CAMS-II) by taking the Online Trainer-Specialist Certification Course with video (fastest way) OR order the DVD home-study program!  Our courses are approved by NAMA to qualify for their certification.

2. When you finish the distance-learning course (11 quizzes) NAMA requires that students take 2 hours of phone supervision/consultation (with our Institute) in order to qualify for the credential. Phone supervision is not required for participants attending workshops.

3. Once you finish with the required steps 1 and 2 above you can apply for the CAMS-I or II credential with NAMA. There is a membership fee of $125/150 paid directly to them. NAMA, at that time, will provide you with a profile on their national/international directory and the official CAMS-I certificate/credential! We walk you through this process.

Visit the Anger Management Institute web site for live workshops, certification information and all of our anger management resources!

Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-V

Posted in Anger Management | Comments Off on Steps for Obtaining Anger Management Specialist Certification

Anger and Guilt

Question:
Does anyone one else feel guilty about expressing their anger no matter how justified ? I`m very laid back and some people take advantage. However, if I reach my limit and express my anger, I end up apologizing for it. I guess I have more respect for other peoples` feelings than they do for mine so I just keep smiling and suppress it. I`ve had some pretty bad anger locked in my head for the last 3 years with no where for it to go because I just bottled it all up. Thanks for any response.

Answer: Often we feel guilt after getting angry. Sometimes, it’s false guilt. Other times, the guilt is a good measure of anger mismanagement and over-reaction to anger. How can you determine whether your guilt is true or false? 

Here is a questionnaire you could complete after any incidents in which you felt angry:1. Describe the situation which occurred.

What was the issue?

2. How did I respond?
Did I talk harshly___, loudly___, disrespectfully___, critically___, in a threatening___ or judgmental way___?

Did I make character assassinations?___

3. Was my response measured,___ respectful___, tactful___?

Did I keep to the issue described in question one? ___
I listened___
I paraphrased what was said to me___
I demonstrated empathy (put myself in the other person’s shoes)___
I stated my feelings in a calm manner along with the facts___

4. What could I have done differently?

How could I have responded in a healthier manner?
Used more tact___
Been more respectful___
Kept the tone of my voice down___
Listened more___
Summarized what was said to me___
Showed more empathy___
Stated my feelings firmly but calmly___

Measuring whether your guilt is true or false:
In order to determine whether you did something right or wrong – score your questionnaire this way:
1. If you checked anything in question 2 or 4 – your guilt is probably right-on. You most likely should apologize.

2. If you didn’t check anything in question 2 or 4 but, checked many of the items in question 3 – your guilt is most likely false.

Don’t apologize. Take responsibility for your actions and let the other person take responsibility for theirs. If the other person says you were harsh or loud – you can apologize that your behavior offended them and that you didn’t mean to.

Learn some anger management skills to help you cope with these situations.
Listen to the current podcast: Talk-Out Your Anger!
“Most people tend to hold anger in or explode. Some use manipulation. Learn some no-guilt techniques to assertively express your anger and get your needs met without squashing others.”

See www.whatsgoodaboutanger.com for FAQs, Quick Tips for Managing Anger Podcasts and all resources.

Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-V

What’s Good About Anger podcasts, blog, resources

Posted in Anger Management, Conflict, Rage | Comments Off on Anger and Guilt

What’s Good About Anger? is unique…

This gallery contains 10 photos.

“What’s Good About Anger?” is unique because the book and curriculum emphasize the following: Anger is an emotion and force that is good when it is expressed in healthy ways to achieve healthy goals. The physiological process of anger happens … Continue reading

More Galleries | Comments Off on What’s Good About Anger? is unique…

Serious Problem with Anger

Question: My step father released all his problems when I was little and he beat me up bruised me all over. And now he has stopped hurting but does not stop hurting my feelings. And he told me stay away … Continue reading

More Galleries | Comments Off on Serious Problem with Anger

Strategies for Successful Relationships… 5/1/18

 

 

 

Managing Conflict – Part One © copyright 2018

If you’re a living, breathing human-being, you will have conflict. The only people who don’t are dead. If you have an opinion on anything you will disagree with someone and engage in conflict. Conflict is an inevitable part of life, work and relationships. What happens when you face conflicts at work? What if a co-worker doesn’t make the deadline with his or her part of a combined project? How do you handle it when your boss asks you to do something unethical? What is your reaction to a co-worker who falsely accuses you for losing a big contract? Do you tend to hold your tongue? Do you wait to see what will happen? Or do you confront, defend and blowup?Facing conflict in relationships is difficult. We all want peace, co-operation, harmony and resolution. Conflict can result in either problem-solving and resolution or an all-out war!

Conflictual scenarios can prevent collaboration and cause relationship breakdown unless you have the skills to manage it. How you approach conflict greatly impacts the outcome.

Insights: Every book of the Bible contains examples of conflict. A godly attitude, response and prayer can make a huge difference in how the process unfolds. Gideon had a remarkable gift for defusing anger and conflict. In Judges 8:1-3 the Ephraimites accused and criticized Gideon sharply. Gideon’s response was truthful, gentle and complimentary. This caused their resentment and anger towards him to subside proving the principle found in Proverbs 15:1: A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Prayer is essential. Pray that your attitude will be loving and that God will provide you with His wisdom and insight to work through the issue. Paul exhorts us to: “always keep on praying” and to “do everything in love.” in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (TLB) and 1 Cor 16:14 (NIV).

Prayer is essential. Pray that your attitude will be loving and that God will provide you with His wisdom and insight to work through the issue. Paul exhorts us to: “always keep on praying” and to “do everything in love.” in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (TLB) and 1 Cor 16:14 (NIV).Practical strategies for managing conflict: 

Step one: When you clash or disagree with someone one way to prevent escalation is to take a time-out to consider the issues and your response. Don’t feel pressured to resolve the situation immediately. Step two: SUM-UP what the other person says by paraphrasing their demands, viewpoints and comments. This will clarify the issue and provide you the opportunity to reply. Most people don’t listen well and tend to react defensively when engaged in conflict. Summarizing what someone says demonstrates that you are listening, you care and are trying to understand. Replaying what you hear doesn’t equate to agreement with their opinion or request. 

Here are some Ways to help you Sum Up what the speaker is saying:  

In other words, you were not able to make the project deadline and hope I can finish the work.”  Step three: Communicate your need and viewpoint graciously but, firmly.

“I was able to complete my part of the project but, I do not have time to take on your portion as well.”

Write out a scenario when you experienced conflict at work or home. Envision how you could respond by using the time-out, Sum-Up skills and communicating your viewpoint.

Why not discover how you can better manage conflict and prevent relationship breakdown? Using conflict resolution skills along with prayer and God’s wisdom will give you greater opportunity for success in the workplace.”

Excerpt from: What’s Good About Anger? Fourth edition.

Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-V
NAMA Supervisor, Diplomate, Consultant.
President, CounselCare Connection, P.C.
Anger Management Institute:
Anger blogs, podcasts, courses and DVDs

Write out a scenario when you experienced conflict at work or home. Envision how you could respond by using the time-out, Sum-Up skills and communicating your viewpoint. Write out a scenario when you experienced conflict at work or home. Envision how you could respond by using the time-out, Sum-Up skills and communicating your viewpoint.

Posted in Anger Management, Conflict | Comments Off on Strategies for Successful Relationships… 5/1/18